Maybe my plan to become a curator isn't such a good idea. Maybe it's impractical. Maybe it's borderline impossible. What if I spend all the time, effort and money to go to grad school only to end up exactly where I am now? What if I still can't find a job when I'm through? I've obviously been experiencing a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty lately. It's entirely warranted, I think, since this new plan of mine involves a commitment of several years and several (hundreds of) thousands of dollars. But knowing that doesn't make me feel any more sure about what I'm doing.
The lot of accountants at work have managed to make me even less sure. I ran into one of them in the elevator bank when I was headed to class one night.
"Leaving already?" she asked.
"I have a midterm that I need to get to," I explained, even though no explanation was necessary because it was already after 5:00. This statement inevitably turned into a conversation about what class I was taking and why. I briefly summarised my plan to go to grad school and eventually become a curator.
"How many jobs are there in that?" she sneered.
I fumbled some answer about how there were more than she might think, since there were so many museums all around the world.
"Well, do you know what Y has a degree in? A Master's degree in?"
"No," I confessed.
"Library science. She has a Master's in library science, but she couldn't find a job. Now she's been working for us so long that she doesn't think anyone will hire her."
I couldn't argue this statement with any known numerical facts about the infallibility of my own plan, but I did manage to counter somewhat nicely.
"Oh, I've seen a few job postings for people with library science degrees. I should tell her."
My naysayer shot me a withering glance. Luckily the 30-story elevator ride was finally over.
She wasn't the only one who thought that mocking my future career plans made a wonderful topic of conversation. B picked up on it as a replacement for his daily comments on my hairstyle. We had been talking quite normally about the University of Minnesota, and I mentioned that my sister was going to med school there.
"Med school, huh?" he asked, with a clear note of admiration. This quickly settled back into his normal, slightly taunting tone. "She's going to medical school and you're going to settle for art curation?"
I couldn't think of any response to this besides a firm "Yes."
"Okay," he said in a sing-song, that's-a-stupid-idea tone and walked away. He has since brought up the subject several more times, always in a teasing manner.
While these comments mainly served to make me angry, they also elevated my pesky feeling of uncertainty. But I've recently received some reassurance from my current art history professor. She is a curator at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts, and I met with her to talk about her own professional path. The biggest and most painful surprise to me was that I will need to have a PhD instead of a Master's. The idea of so much more school is definitely daunting. But it's not insurmountable. She also recommended that I start learning how to read French and German and gave me some helpful suggestions on what I should include in a cover letter.
Most importantly, she told me I was doing all the right things. That is quite comforting when coming from someone who has already taken this path. And it makes me really excited to keep following my own. Soon I'll get to pick somewhere I'd like to live and choose a school there (or maybe the other way around). I'll get to learn all about art and museums. I'll be able to read French and German. And hopefully I'll find a job I really love in the end. Luckily the people who have mocked or questioned me lately are offset by an equal, if not greater, number of supporters. Paying more attention to what they have to say, and to my own determination and interest in the profession I'm pursuing, will help me to put the naysayers in their proper place--behind me.
